Time For Myself

It's late afternoon and instead of going for a walk like I had planned, I'm sitting on the couch and resting. Actually, I'm writing right now, but writing is relaxation for me. When I don't try to think about it. That's not relaxation and it's not worth it. I'm not thinking now. I opened my laptop quite spontaneously, just as I'm taking this personal siesta my body asked for right now.

I look at the cat, who has been buried in the duvet all afternoon, nestled in the middle of our - her - bed, and who didn't even bother to walk a few meters to the kitchen to eat. She seems to be missing nothing at all and that she doesn't intend to move from her place for the rest of the winter.

Maybe she just needed to be. To exist and enjoy the present. Just like me.

I love Christmas. But at the same time, the closer it gets, the more I start to notice signs of unreasonable nervousness. I subliminally feel that I won't be able to manage everything. But that used to be my mother's privilege that I never understood! Especially when it was just the two of us living together. There was nothing we wouldn't be able to manage.

Today I woke up with exactly that feeling. I had no reason to feel uncomfortable, irritated. And because I knew I had no reason to feel that way, I poured myself a cup of coffee, sat down at the kitchen table, my little morning ritual, and let the answer to what was behind it come.

It was quite simple. All I had to do was simply spend some time just with myself. And with that coffee. Noticing what kind of day it was. That it was raining outside. Realizing all the steps I was taking. Noticing everything that surrounded me. Being aware of all that and of so many other gifts...

All I had to do was just be. Like that cat.

And in the place of the feeling that tried to annoy me in the morning, a feeling of relaxation, lightness, joy gradually began to appear... and then also the desire and the much needed energy to start the "tasks" that awaited me...

Christmas is a magical time, but paradoxically, because we want to "manage" everything and enjoy everything to the fullest, it can cause us stress and unpleasant feelings.

So if you ever wake up like I did today, with a strange feeling, without a solid reason for it, maybe a moment with yourself and with a cup of coffee, if you love it like I do, will be enough for you too to let it go away.

Have a magical time and, above all, stay calm. After all, that's what Christmas is supposed to be about.